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Tuesday, September 21, 2010


I existed once.

In form and thought.

I had a Name.

And a sensory experience of the physical world.

Until He came.

You know of whom I speak. The god of virtual formlessness. A lesser deity to be sure, but one gaining in strength and power by the day. Feeding on the lives and souls of lost wanderers of cyberspace.

He rules the ethers of unreality. We give him our form, our name, our lives. And he converts them into the currency of his domain.

Fleshless words. Ideas of no substance. One dimensional nothings.

Caricatures of what we once were.

You flirt with him now, thinking him harmless with his glittering temptations

But you are wrong. He is not harmless.

And we all were wrong. It is not death that is to be feared. But the Nothing.

Ceasing to be is a fate far worse than any death could ever be.

You lose yourself in the usernames and avatars He gives you.

Thinking yourself safe.

You learn to walk and talk and live in this flat world of 0’s and 1’s, feeding on the desperation of others like yourself. Driven by the need to be seen without eyes of flesh.

Safe sex. Sex without touch. Without mess. Without disease. But viruses pervade. You cannot escape the illusion of the nightmare we call reality.

Our dreams cannibalize us. Consume us as food as we feed on the sex of others.

You will see.

And you will wish you had stayed blind.

Your form will fade.

Not all at once, so as to alarm. But slowly. Gradually and without notice.

With each moment lost to reality, you are consumed by the Nothing.

With each photograph you send, a piece of you is sacrificed on the communal altar of demented and unsatiated desires of non-flesh.

With each black letter typed on the screen, your breath is stolen by the invoked unreal passion of another user of this drug.

You give yourself to the nameless nobodies floating in this unreality. And they take you. And they feed on you. Even as they dissipate into Nothingness themselves.

Until one day, you will have ceased to be. Not dead. Not alive. Not anything.

And you will never even know you’ve disappeared.

But I will.

I existed once.

In form and thought.

Sapphire eyes, and ruby lips. Alabaster skin. Full breasts.

You coveted me. They all did. I was their dream lover. Their perfect form. Their fantasy realized without time and space.

They owned me for a time. Stripping me to nothing. Eating my life force. All to feed this god of the never-ending hunger.

I was your private mental porn. Until I disappeared.

But it mattered not. For every one of us that ceases, there are a hundred more to take our place.

They existed once too. Until they didn’t.


  1. Very thought provoking, gets the thought process working over time...

  2. I have read this three times now, and I cant help but feel that feelings I have surpressed for so long are now rising up to where they should be...Certainly nothing negative, more to the point, re-affirming what I have felt deep down through all the surpression. Thank you for awakening what I knew was always there...

  3. Thank you. I'm glad it spoke to you. It's a rough draft. It's been suggested that I use this as a starting point for something more. A longer story or even a book? Thoughts?
    I'm not trying to make any kind of moral stance in this, just playing with the darker nature of the connections we make, and wondering what becomes of us and real intimacy when our lives are lost to online addictions and attractions.

  4. Mmmm, for me, the length and the construct of it was more than enough to envoke enough of my cranial matter to go "Ding Ding".
    I suppose it depends on the reader and what ability they have to know when the light is switched on.
    The way you constructed it I would expect that many would surely make their own summation from it; Although, one of the many things that I berate myself over is my expectations of society having a similar ability. I keep reminding myself that its okay to let them be, just as long as I can relate to my OWN abilities and continue to know what Im about and knowing who I am.

  5. sure strikes a note with me kimberly (as u can imagine )cool writing ..

  6. Certainly has a realistically morbid tint to it, but I love the ideas behind this - the questions you pose, the way you ask them. I think maybe it's something people need to ask. Loved the entire thing really, but the ending really is what got to me. Interested in more if you do develop it.

  7. An honest look at the fate of modern society. A morbid twist indeed as someone else has said. I like the imagary you invoke, the short sentences creates the perfect tempo for reading. A time is was more like reading a poem than a story. I enjoyed this immensely and look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

  8. Thanks too all the great posts. It was fun to write. Came to me very suddenly after reading some Gaiman shorts and then spending time on jango and getting weird pick up emails LOL But I was fascinated by this idea and the words spun around in my head for awhile until suddenly they coalesced into what you see while I was sitting in a parking lot of my kids school.

    I am seriously considering making it a longer short story, but fear losing the poetic quality Alex refers to. Hmmm

  9. I like the story. I love philosophy in horror. I think there is a market for it. In fact, I am marketing my novel as Philosophical horror. This story reminds me of that. You bring us through a story that makes us wonder about ourselves and the world around us. It makes us think about our role. On a subconscious level, it makes us all remember the first time we saw the wolf in The Never Ending Story. Great story. I have a short called The Nothingness coming out in January for SNM Horror Magazine too. Great to see your work.