Sunday, July 26, 2009
Ok, so I know I haven't written in...well...at least weeks. And this month was supposed to be devoted to Middletown and Lake County,CA. I've done some great interviews and taken some great pictures for those blogs, but life got in the way. I had a lot I wanted to write about this month, but felt that if I couldn't do the profile blogs, I shouldn't write anything. That's an all or nothing mentality I'm trying to shake. So, Middletown can wait another week or so, and I'm going to write about what's been keeping me from writing.
These last few weeks I've been doing battle in a court hearing. I thought it would be resolved in a few hours, given that it dealt with primarily one issue and was temporary at that. But the other party turned it into a war, and I had to pump up my amno to do what was right.
And that's really what this blog is about, our perception of the truth and what is right. I'm sure the other party in this issue feels just as strongly about their "rightness" as I do. Fortunately the judge agreed with me and my witnesses. I doubt that had lead the other party to rethink their take on all this. If I had lost, would I question whether I was right in pursuing my outcome? No. I wouldn't have at all.
So, the question is, is this all subjective. Am I any more "right" in my views than the other party? Seems the judge thinks so, but judges can make mistakes. They are,after all, only human.
I still believe I did what was in the best interest of all parties involved, including the opposing party. Though I'm sure that will never be understood by that person. So, how do I know I'm right in this?
I've thought about it a lot. I realize I'm not giving specifics enough for you as my readers to determine what I'm talking about, but that is to protect others involved, and because I'm more interested in what this represents, then in rehashing the specifics.
In all situations in which a decision has to be made, or value judgements have to made about an action that needs to be taken, I tend to consider my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and evidence of the subject. If there's disagreement, as in this case, I look at the kind of life, the kind of person and the kind of decisions the other party and those who support that person have. Do they lead lives I would want? Do they have values I would want my children to embrace? Do I respect them? Then I do the same for those who agree with my assessment. Most of the time, this gives a pretty clear picture of the truth. Especially when it's backed by studies, research, past history of repeated behaviors, etc.
This is simple when I'm clear on what I think. But because of my own process and patternings, I sometimes find myself questioning my own known truths about myself in light of some "attack" by another person. This time I find I am double-minded (which was not at all the case in the court situation, but happens most often when I am making choices to care for myself or not fall into society's expectations for me and someone criticizes me for it.) So, I go back to what I wrote above. I look at the person who is bringing this up in me. Is this someone I would want to model any part of my life after? Are they living the quality of life I desire? And I go to those who are living the kinds of lives I admire and am working on living myself, and get their take. This always gets my head screwed back on straight. Of course, this only works when you know what you want your life to look like and have people in your life who model that. That was a process in and of itself.
So, the bottom line for me these last few weeks was really waking up to who I am and who the people around me are, and noticing the truth of what each person brings to the table of my banquet, and then noticing and taking action on what does not serve me and my children and what does. And I did. I passed this test and learned this lesson! With the help of those who offer me real integrity, love and intimacy.