Saturday, June 20, 2009
It's hard to let go of the image you might have of someone, whether good or bad. We tend to put people in easily understood boxes and expect them to stay there. We villainies or canonize those in our lives without giving much thought to the complex make-up of their character. We also expect that others live by the same moral or ethical code as we do. The Golden Rule of treating others as we wish to be treated doesn't always apply. Mostly it's a nice concept, and good for beginning a friendship. But there eventually comes a time when you must learn what rules they are playing by, and master their game if you want to keep from getting slaughtered.
This is the lesson I'm learning. Part of it has to do with personal boundaries. Part of it has to do with letting go of my feelings of betrayal from people I thought of as friends. I'm learning to see people as they are, not as I wish them to be. To see all the layers of them and understand that most people are going to chose the easy route and act in their own self-interest when the shit hits the fan. I've recently discovered this of people I thought were my friends. It's a painful but important lesson to learn.
On the flip side, I'm also learning to value those true friends who do have my best interest at heart and are protective of my heart. Who love me and want the best for me. Who value me for me, not for any accomplishments or degrees or services I provide. It makes it easier to let go of the pain of rejection by those who never really cared, when I'm surrounded by people who really do care, in a way that is meaningful and true.
It's also made me appreciate the concept of the village. I live in a village where everyday people pop up in my life in the most unexpected ways in order to offer me some form of love and support. I'm seen as me here, not through the eyes of those who are tainted by anger and fear. It's freeing and wonderful. I finally have found the place my heart has always longed for. I've finally found home.