And check out my joint blog with the love of my life and writing partner Dmytry Karpov: Kimberly ♥ Dmytry

Then his blog: Dmytry Karpov

Sunday, May 10, 2009

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Our culture is obsessed with being "in love." Movies, television, music, literature, all promote this idea of being incomplete until we find that special someone. We are all on a perpetual search to find our soul mate. To have the "happily ever after" promised to us in childhood stories.
And yet, we don't find it. When we find love in some form, we spend it fighting, dealing with life, wondering if we've settled, or wondering what the fuss was about. Or we spend it fearing what would happen to us if we lost that special someone. How would we live without them? This is a valid concern, particularly for women who are dependent on the man for the financial support. I'm living proof of how scary it is when the fairy tale ends and the princess has given all her jewels to the prince only to find herself caring for their children and begging for food.
But maybe you're in a relationship where both are financially secure and can care for themselves should one partner die or should they part ways. Great. But why are you in the relationship in the first place? Are you in it because you're not complete without them? Because they make you happy? Because you're scared of being alone? Because it's become comfortable and you don't know what it would be like without them? Because you enjoy being with them? Come on, no one enjoys being with someone all the time, except in the movies.
So, what's the point of marriage, romantic love, partnerships, mating? Is it to arrange a secure environment with which to raise children? There are better ways of doing this. We've not been doing a bang up job of raising kids in this country.
Is it because whatever your religion is says you should? Hmmm...Even christianity says it's better to be single because a mate detracts from your ability to focus on your spiritual practice. It only encourages marriage so that you can have sex without sin. Basically, if you can't keep it in your pants, then get married.
Hm...what if marriage, romantic love and the pursuit of such, was such a distraction, when used the way we have been using it? What if we changed the form, so that we entered into a loving intimate contract with someone only to help them with their spiritual practice and allow them to help us with ours. What if we just let go of the knight in shining armor and damsal in distress all together, and created an arrangement where two independent and self-sufficient people came together with no other strings except to help each other love God more and connect more fully with the Divine?
It's something I'm contemplating, as I explore my heart break and sorrow. I'd love to hear your thoughts.