And check out my joint blog with the love of my life and writing partner Dmytry Karpov: Kimberly ♥ Dmytry

Then his blog: Dmytry Karpov

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Shit Happens

Blogs are popping up everywhere, by everyone to discuss everything. I've been a professional writer for many years, but have resisted the blogging fad. What could I possibly add to the collective discussion that isn't already being addressed by someone else with more...something...than I've got? Well, if I were to live by that standard, I'd turn in my pen and never write again. (Or turn in my computer, as it were.) Since that's not likely to happen, and since I've been encouraged by a few people very close to me to give it a shot, I figured, why not? You don't have to read it if you don't want to.

The real challenge for me in this first post was figuring out what to write about. Surely I must have something interesting to write...even if no one but my family reads it.

What I have to say today is just a reflection of what this week has taught me and what...I'm sure..this life will continue teaching me. I am not separated from the universe and I am not a cosmic victim to all the unfairness that exists. Shit may "happen," as many are so fond of saying, but what I do with it is entirely up to me. Certainly this week tested this.

As a newly single mom I have had my share of upheaval this year. A major out of state move ended 2008, with the end of a marriage, and the beginning of a new chapter, nay a new book, in my life, (figuratively and literally.) As I am struggling to settle into my new life, this week has presented all the challenges a young mom dreads. My babysitter didn't show on a day when I had a very important doctor's appointment. So, I scrambled, calling on all the local resources I had amassed, and discovered a young lady with whom my kids are so much happier. Then, on the way home from my doctor's appointment, my old faithful car broke down an hour from town in the middle of nowhere. Many hours later I was home, to a tired but angelic babysitter and three wired kids.

As if all that weren't enough, my car was deemed not worth saving at a time when I am struggling to pay the bills. A car that is paid off. So, I had to wipe out my savings to buy a "new" used car. And I had to take on a payment I didn't want.

Crappy week all in all, right? Wrong. If you've ever watched Japanese animae you may be familiar with the hero's journey. (pick up Jung or Campbell if animae isn't your thing.) The hero in any good story must undergo a series of challenges, each one making her stronger and giving her more tools with which to navigate her world. I am that hero, living that life. We all are. And this week, I finally saw how valuable this process is, and how silly it is to panic, get hysterical or in any other way worry about what is to be. That's not to say I didn't plan and work and get information to make intelligent decisions, I did. But I didn't freak out. Instead of anger, frustration, and impatience, I gave to those around me love and gratitude. I realized bodily, that I am not alone. I am connected to the Source of all Life. Call it God, energy, the universe, whatever. I feel it. And through God, I am able to see that all is well. All is as it should be. And all my needs will be met, I just need to trust.

I did that this week. And I always received what I needed, when I needed it. I found a better babysitter. I made friends with a couple who live on a lovely orchard. I passed this test and because of it, I have earned new tools with which to navigate my life. Tools that will allow me to be a better mom, a better writer, but most importantly, tools that will help me get through the next crisis. Because make no mistake, its coming. The question isn't whether or not shit is going to happen, it's whether or not I allow it to "happen" to me, or whether I arrange myself to meet all circumstances with peace and love and faith, knowing that I have nothing to fear. After all, the right kind of shit placed in the right environment can make great fertilizer for growth. And I am all about growth.

By the way, I just got a notice from the IRS that I owe back taxes, and I may have to move again, from a house I dearly love to something more I'm letting this shit settle a bit, because I know new growth and new tools are sure to follow.