And check out my joint blog with the love of my life and writing partner Dmytry Karpov: Kimberly ♥ Dmytry

Then his blog: Dmytry Karpov

Saturday, June 20, 2009

First Impressoins, Final Expressions

It's hard to let go of the image you might have of someone, whether good or bad. We tend to put people in easily understood boxes and expect them to stay there. We villainies or canonize those in our lives without giving much thought to the complex make-up of their character. We also expect that others live by the same moral or ethical code as we do. The Golden Rule of treating others as we wish to be treated doesn't always apply. Mostly it's a nice concept, and good for beginning a friendship. But there eventually comes a time when you must learn what rules they are playing by, and master their game if you want to keep from getting slaughtered.

This is the lesson I'm learning. Part of it has to do with personal boundaries. Part of it has to do with letting go of my feelings of betrayal from people I thought of as friends. I'm learning to see people as they are, not as I wish them to be. To see all the layers of them and understand that most people are going to chose the easy route and act in their own self-interest when the shit hits the fan. I've recently discovered this of people I thought were my friends. It's a painful but important lesson to learn.

On the flip side, I'm also learning to value those true friends who do have my best interest at heart and are protective of my heart. Who love me and want the best for me. Who value me for me, not for any accomplishments or degrees or services I provide. It makes it easier to let go of the pain of rejection by those who never really cared, when I'm surrounded by people who really do care, in a way that is meaningful and true.

It's also made me appreciate the concept of the village. I live in a village where everyday people pop up in my life in the most unexpected ways in order to offer me some form of love and support. I'm seen as me here, not through the eyes of those who are tainted by anger and fear. It's freeing and wonderful. I finally have found the place my heart has always longed for. I've finally found home.


  1. Sounds pretty amazing. What element would you say is the MOST unique regarding how you are seen, treated, how you feel there, etc?

  2. That's a tough question, but very good one. I'm going to answer it in two ways. The first is my best friend. She has taken friendship to a whole new level for me. Freindship is not the right word for her. Aman Cara. That's her. Look it up. It's an ancient Celtic word that means "Sould Friend." It can applied to lovers but also friends. She has taken me into her heart and given me the kind of love and support I never imagined existed. That is the MOST significant aspect to me.
    But the overall picture that really is the point is that when we open ourselves up to the Love of God and Universe, when we open our heartst o recieving and giving, then the Universe (God, whatever) provides in the most magnificant of ways. Everytime I've had a need, great or small, since moving here, has been met in extraordinary ways by many people randomly. I get free food from a friend who has a farm. Free accupuncture from a friend who wants me to heal. Discount on herbs I need to heal from a woman who's been through what I've been through, people who've come together to help me move twice in 3 months!! (And you know how hard getting people to help you move is!) It's all come together. When I let go of fear I realize that all my needs are being met at all times, if I allow them to be. It's quite miraculous, but absolutely expected and understood if you are open to who you are in collective oneness of the Universe. We're not seperate, we're not alone, we've no reason to be scared. There is no loss, "Not enough" does not exist in this realm. It's a hard lesson, but one I'm seeing over and over again as I engage on this journey.
    I hope this makes sense. My answer is probably longer than the post :) Thanks for your question.