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Friday, January 30, 2009

Cutting The Ties That Bind

Sometimes we hold on when we shouldn't. We stubbornly refuse to acknowledge when something or someone has served its purpose in our life, and we in theirs, and the ties must be severed. This can be a 'gentle passing in the night', or more of a 'claws of death tearing us apart' kind of experience. More often than not it is the latter.

Why can't we walk away when it is time? Do we fear the unknown so much that we would willingly subject ourselves to abuse, misery and misfortune just to remain in the familiar? I'm afraid so.

Last year I created an intent for my life. "To live my authentic self organized by the high math of love." And this last year has been quite an adventure. Never did I imagine that by committing these words to my universe I would be opening up Pandora's Box. I have been besieged by all manner of heart ache and pain in attempting to live true to this intent.

And now, I am learning to cut the ties that have bound me to abuse, misery and misfortune. To walk away, head held high, knowing it is not just OK, but fully right and necessary to take care of myself and my children in the best way possible. To insist that my life be filled with love, that the people in my life be of like-mind and intention. This is much easier said than done.

This is not just a one time action that I can then wash my hands of and move on. Oh no, it couldn't be that simple, where's the fun in that? No, this is the kind of action that requires minute by minute choices. Hard choices. Messy choices. Painful choices. Choices with consequences. Choices that make me want to crawl under a rock and hide. Choices that leave me breathless, changed, transformed into someone that maybe someday will more closely resemble that which I strive to be.

In the meantime, I keep cutting, and I endure the bleeding and pain as I release my hold on the familiar and branch out into the unknown of my authentic self.

2 comments:

  1. I know it's tough, but you're lucky enough to have a lot of people love and support you and help "bandage your wounds". You'll get through this. Stay strong! :) Love ya!!

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